President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency:

Our largest condom factory has exploded!\" the American President cried, \"My people\'s favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!\"

\"Bill, da Canadian pipple would be \'appy to do anyt\'ing wit\'in der power to \'help you,\" replied the Prime Minister.

\"I do need your help,\" said Clinton. \"Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?\"

\"Certainment! I get right on it!\" said Chretien.

\"Oh, and one more small favor, please?\" said Clinton.

\"Oui?\"

\"Could the condoms be red, white & blue in color, at least 10\" long and 4\" in diameter?\" said Clinton.

\"No problem,\" replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Chretien hung up and called the President of Trojan Condoms.

\"I need a favor, you got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send \'dem to Hamerica.\"

\"Consider it done,\" said the President of Trojan.

\"Great! Now listen, dey hab to be bleu, blanc et rouge in colour; at least 10\" long and 4\" in diameter.\"

\"Easily done. Anything else?\"

\"Yah,\" said the Prime Minister, \"an\' print \'MADE IN CANADA, SIZE MEDIUM\' on each one.\"

Iraqi TV Guide

MONDAY

8:00 Husseinfeld

8:30 Mad About Everything

9:00 Suddenly Sanctions

9:30 Allah McBeal

TUESDAY

8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror

8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says it\'s Right

9:00 Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things

9:30 Iraq\'s Funniest Public Execution Bloopers

WEDNESDAY

8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer

8:30 Diagnosis: Heresy

9:00 Just Shoot Me

9:30 Veilwatch

THURSDAY

8:00 Mahatma Loves Chachi

8:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H

9:00 Veronica\'s Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses

9:30 My Two Baghdads

FRIDAY

8:00 Judge Saddam

8:30 Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darndest Things

9:00 Achmed\'s Creek

9:30 No-witness News

A reporter cornered George W. Bush at a press conference:

\"Many say the only reason why you would be elected for President is due to the enormous power and influence of your father.\"

\"That notion is ridiculous!\" mocked George Jr. \"It doesn\'t matter how powerful the man is. He can only vote once!\"